What I’ve Learned – Making a Baby

When I was younger I was under the impression that making a baby was easy, you and your partner put your private parts together and 9 months later a baby is born. I would hear about all those teenage girls ‘doing it only once’ and getting getting knocked up (Fun fact: people lie). So I just assumed that when it was time for me to get pregnant it would happen quickly…it didn’t and this is what I learned.

  1. It’s different for everyone: It took Caleb & I approximately 10 months to make Walt, we had also tried the year before for about 4 months trying to plan around people’s weddings…so I guess that equals 14 months. We have other friends who just look at each other and they get pregnant and others who needed a lot of intervention. Then there are the couples that can fall pregnant, but have miscarriages. The list goes on and on, every couple’s baby journey is unique.
  2. Only the fertile people talk: While we were trying for a baby the stories we seemed to hear were the “Oh, we got pregnant the first month we tried” ones. Lot’s of people struggle with infertility or, like us, falling pregnant takes longer than expected, but those people don’t talk. I  personally felt ashamed, each month that passed I felt like there was something wrong with me and that I wasn’t as good as all the millions of women throughout history who’d conceived before me. I wasn’t going to shout my humiliation to the roof tops, I would keep it to myself. But that meant that all the people around me struggling with the same problems didn’t know I was struggling too. That’s why I started to tell people. Not to draw attention to myself, but to say to the other struggling couples that you aren’t freaks, it’s really hard what you’re going through and you’re not alone. Most of all I wanted other women to know that it’s ok to sit on your bathroom floor and cry when you discover the discomfort you’re feeling in your boobs is from your period arriving and not a baby.
  3. People can be insensitive: I remember even before Caleb and I were trying people would ask about our kid situation. I remember one particular instance when we were visiting Caleb’s parent’s church and a very friendly lady greeted us by asking “Are you the ones with all the kids?” (Caleb’s brother has 4) and I smiled “Nope, we’re the ones from Australia.” She patted one of five children who were standing around her and said “well you better get on that then.” I nodded politely, but inside I was fuming, how did she know that we weren’t trying? Maybe I couldn’t have children and here she was a total stranger throwing it in my face! I know looking back on her small comment that this woman meant nothing by it, I’m positive that she was only trying to poke fun at us. But people, think before you speak, especially when it comes to baby stuff.
  4. People’s advice: “After you have sex make sure you lift your pelvis into the air or stand on your head” that’s just some of the advice I was given. Listen to your doctor, not your weird aunty or your friend who spends way to much time looking up home remedies online.
  5. It’s a big deal: People who haven’t had issues conceiving, or have tried to conceive, or don’t want to conceive or have gotten so old that they don’t remember what it’s like to conceive may brush off what you’re going through as not a big deal. It is a big deal, when you feel small. Remember that.