This year I failed…twice

So this is hard to write, what I really want to do is hide under a rock and never tell anyone about my failures. But who does that help? I still will have failed and other people who’ve failed too will feel alone. Other failures of the world I’m here to publicly join you!

Two years ago my husband Caleb and I started on the long journey of opening a newsstand and unfortunately a couple of months ago that journey came to an end. Not with us standing in our amazingly designed space, but with us back in our apartment confused as to what went wrong. We mourned, tried to reevaluate and decided to throw ourselves into the photography business and give boudoir a shot because it was something we’d been talking about doing for a long time. Well guess what? Yep yesterday all the boudoir work I’d done came crashing down around me, it is no more.

Honestly it’s embarrassing, it’s hard to admit when you made mistakes and it’s even harder when those mistakes are made publicly. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that is a nice reminder of how dumb I am and how everyone knows it.

When we started the newsstand Caleb and I said to each other that we didn’t want to live lives of regret. That when we were old and thinking back we would never be able to say “I wish we had…”. Instead our lives might be full of mistakes, but that we would grow and learn…that we would be better for those mistakes.

So where to now? As far as the newsstand goes it’s on hold, if we find the perfect space it might be a go. Boudoir? It’s totally still happening because I feel like I’ve stumbled into something amazing, something so good. When I launched I wrote –

People who know me will be pretty shocked that I’m shooting boudoir, mainly because I’m a huge prude.

So why am I taking photos of women in their underwear? Because all women, yes ALL women should feel good about themselves. We’ve been lied to, taught that all women’s bodies should look the same, that my pear shaped body isn’t as valuable as a perfectly proportioned skinny women’s…bull crap. As women we’re encouraged to see everything negative about our physical forms, to be embarrassed by our stretch marks and cellulite which is natural! While the men in our lives are encouraged to have ‘dad bods’ (which I love btw), we’re shamed for not dropping our baby weight quickly enough.

I’ve had enough of the lies and so I’m setting out to do something positive for women’s body images. Traditional boudoir is fine, but it’s not my thing because I feel that it’s trying to make women look like a man’s ideal. I want women to look like themselves because they look excellent.

All this is still true, so stay tuned people because there are many more women in their underwear that need to be photographed.