AIPP Awards Part 2

Last weekend I went to Melbourne for a few different reasons, firstly to hang out with Caleb (he had an app conference) and to check out The Digital Show/APPA Judging. Some of you may remember that I entered the ACT AIPP state awards (you can read about my experience here) and that I was a little undecided about whether or not I would enter again. Well I’m still undecided, but after seeing the judging and reading about many of my fellow photographers positive experiences…I thought I would share what I’ve been thinking about the last couple months, it’s taken a while for me to get my thoughts straight.

I’ve worked really hard at making sure I don’t care what others think, I’ve prided myself on running my business my way and not the way I was told to. But I feel by entering the awards this gets thrown out the window! All I seem to worry about is what others think…judges, friends, other photographers…listening to their opinions over my own. For example one of my images bombed at the state awards, I mean really bombed…I think it scored 68 which means that the judges didn’t even think it was at a professional standard. I know when I entered the awards that’s what I signed up for, to have my photographs judged…but I didn’t think it would make me hate my own images. Before I entered the awards I loved the so called ‘not professional’ image and now I can’t bare to look at it, it’s just a reminder of how crap I am. Now you may be thinking ‘oh you just don’t like the awards because you didn’t do well, spoil sport’ and my reply would be that all my other images did pretty well, but I still feel a little robbed, now when I look at the photos I entered all I see is critiques. They are no longer moments that I loved from peoples weddings, they are just a number, a score.

I guess my other real issue is the judging itself, can you really judge art? When so much of it is made of personal preferences? Case in point, how many people scored very differently in the state awards to the national awards…on the same prints? I just don’t like how someones mood can determine your fate…but that’s the nature of judging and that’s why in our house hold figure skating will never be classed as a real sport.

Despite all these negative feelings about the whole process, I still secretly want to enter again. Why? Because I, like everyone else wants to belong…I want to be apart of all the excitement and competition! I want to prove to my peers that I’m as good as them and one day I want to be better than everyone! Honest enough for you? Even though the awards made me feel crap, I’m still willing to subject myself to them again so I can belong. These awards make me feel like a teenager, insecurities I thought were dead are rearing their ugly heads again. So unless I get some better reasons for entering or if I can finally kill my teenage girl demons I will not be entering again…I guess I’m not longer undecided.

The only people who really need to love my photographs are me and my couples. My focus shouldn’t be on what my peers think, but on what my clients think…I want them to fall crazy in love with their photos! I want my motivation to improve and be creative to come from them, rather than from my own need for glory.

Lastly I just want everyone to know that this isn’t suppose to be a bashing of the AIPP or the people who enter the awards. Everyone else who enters seems to get heaps out of them, which is awesome! I just seem to be the odd one out (this isn’t unusual) so if you are thinking of entering I would encourage you, give it a shot! You may be like every other photographer in Australia and love them, or you may be like me and Nick Cave.

Michelle & Piero’s wedding which I’ll be sharing with you next week!

2 Comments

Join the discussion and tell us your opinion.

Melaniereply
May 31, 2012 at 08:05 PM

I am so bad at articulating what I feel and think…..more often as not I stumble over words and have no idea how to tell people what I feel about certain topics. With you, I have the feeling that you so often articulate just what I’m thinking. I’ve said it here a couple of times before…I study photography in germany since 4 years and in the beginning I was all excited and giddy but after a couple of semesters I started hating photography and my work. It’s exactly how you said. pictures that I love are always getting bashed up and even though my profs give me a reason for it and tell me why it is not a good photograph…I just don’t see that…I still love the picture. I guess that is one reason why I don’t seem to get on with my studies. I always seem to like and love what my profs despise. I’m not saying that I didn’t learn anything or that I am blind to criticism, but I realized that I don’t have the need to be the next photography super star. I don’t want to create a beauty after their standards. I want to create beauty after my standards. I want to make photography that I love and that will make my clients smile and happy. If that means that my profs or fellow students think I’m a dork, that’s fine.

A lot of people I know live for competitions. Apart from the winning or loosing, it is a great way to get your name out there. I myself have never entered a competition. I’m to much the teenager ^^

Amandareply
June 01, 2012 at 08:06 AM
– In reply to: Melanie

we have a lot in common!

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